The Ten Kilo Killer

Look, you’re a girl, probably. I’m a girl, too. So stop judging me, stop ridiculing me, stop taking the piss out of me, or I will piss on you, got that? 

Although, I’ve been bred to be a polite young lady, don’t challenge me, or you’ll end up being sworn at as a ‘fucking annoying hag’ to your face…(being a bitch has never felt so good). 

I’ll violate you like the commas I love to violate…plus, I’m very moody AND impatient when my diet has been restricted. So, please, for the sake of all that is beauty, don’t pick a fight with me in the next two weeks.

As you might have surmised, I have embarked on my ten kilo killer plan, which is ridding approximately ten kilos or less from my body before I go to university. Now, people always get prickly (for no fucking reason) about the subject of diets and their ‘inextricable connection’ to my happiness…god knows they probably want to get rid of a few kilograms here or there themselves, the hypocrites. Nevertheless, I’m not giving up this time because: i. I put money into this. ii. I want to wear whatever my heart desires. iii. I want to achieve the body I want because that will make me HAPPY. So, leave me alone, and let me go to the gym.